getting over him

I'm trying to get over him. "him" being that singer guy.

the first straw, and now what is going to be the last straw was that show in orlando. I should have never gone in the first place.

I have to go back and retrace steps... I was going in the right direction, but chose poorly.... the intent was always for good... but like the dude said on the radio last night, the pursuit of pleasure can cause you to go to sleep spiritually. I was on verge of being wide awake but my pursuit of pleasure moved me off course. I thought I was doing well, and I'm certainly not doing badly, but I'm also not making any positive progess.

Back during my "intervention" == I was told to stop listening to what I was listening to and put on some good praise music, some good Christian stuff... and I did, for some time- but I went back to that guy. Why? Well, in my head I thought he had the potential to sing that kind of stuff too. I don't think that anymore.

I'm stuck. I believe that the choices he has made, the lifestyle he has chosen to live is wrong. Is sinful. It's not about who he's attracted to, it's how he's choosing to live out that desire in his life. For me-- I can't listen to his music, because music has a really direct link to spirituality for me. I get fed a lot through music. i thought that he could be a part of that. I'm sure God can use him however He sees fit, but I'm not sure at this time, that's possible for me. In the past it most certainly was. But now, now that I know what I know, it's difficult for me. It's like that verse about not eating meat or drinking wine or doing whatever because it would cause someone else to stumble. It may be ok for one person, but if it's causing someone else problems, then maybe it's not the best for you right now. That's not exactly the same thing, I understand.... It's almost opposite.

I also have to forgive him for his betrayal. My friend in all of this says she doesn't understand that. How he could have possibly betrayed me.. cause i don't even know him. However, I was lead to believe several things about him, either by lying or by leaving things out, and when the truth was revealed I felt betrayed. period. That's how i feel. And now, I have to sort things out in my own head and forgive him for that.

it'll take a while. and i'm not sure what is going to happen between her and I through all of this. I hate to think she's just a friend for a season... we'll see how we weather this storm.