depression and love

I'm feeling a bit down again.


I spent part of last week with a super good friend. She understands me better than most. She's my best Clay friend, that's for sure.. so with her, I don't have to edit myself, withhold any comments. I can be stupid and random, and it feels good. Besides, she doesn't look down on me because of my musical tastes. It sucks that I love the voice of a man who can sing circles around most "artists" today, but gets NO respect in the media. Besides that, he makes me happy. He sings pretty and says goofy things. He's one of my "happy places"... and I have to keep him hidden.


But that's not the point.


My aunt. I love her dearly and she is such an encouragement to me. But. This last weekend, my other cousin came down for the weekend. She's my aunt's favorite... my aunt tells it as she's her surrogate mother, and this is true. BUT. I don't get along well with my cousin. Aunt was supposed to call me this weekend to let me know what was going on, to be a part of whatever, but i never heard from her.


When people say they're going to call me, especially to go and do something, and they don't, I take it *really* personally. I makes me a bit depressed. She called today, and let me know what was going on this week... but I've got to work my tail off and don't even have time to hang out with her. Also depressing me.


The other thing is this. When we went out last weekend, to Fridays... and the guy was flirting with all of us... it makes me long for that. It makes me long for the attention of someone of the opposite sex. I don't want ALL guys to pay attention to me, not like that. But I just want ONE guy. That one special guy. I want to be "in love". I want to be in a relationship. Heck. At this point in my life, I want to be married. But there is REALLY nothing on that front in my life. at all. I want someone to snuggle with. Iwant someone to hold me in his arms for .. well.. forever.


So. That's where my head is right now. A bit discombobulated, but.. I dunno.