Can't sleep
i can't sleep tonight.
I still have a million things to do, but that's not what's keeping me awake.
I'm having one of those nights where 1- I don't want to sleep and 2- I don't know that I feel like I am who I am supposed to be.
i don't know who i'm supposed to be. i'm 31, living alone, never dated anyone, ever, and i don't have a clue in the world as to what i'm supposed to do with my life... or for that matter, WHAT i want to do.
stream of consciousness.
love hate misery compassion. why does it feel like there's not any compassion in the world. at least not for me. yes i know there are starving kids everywhere,
in need. but sometimes an emotional need is just as important as a physical one.
sometimes i feel like there isn't anyone to feed my emotional needs. i have very few people in my life that i see in person on a regular basis, and now i can't even stop crying.
this is supposed to be a stream of consciousness and sometimes that's harder to do typing that it is writing things out. it's also really hard to do when i can't stop crying.
all i want is to be loved. to be shown some affection. I know God loves me.. my parents.. my family.. and i'm sure some friends do, but the friends don't live here. i've lived here in this area for three years and I don't have friends that i see on a regular basis.. i don't even have friends that i really have that i see on a semi regular basis.
there was the roommate, but i don't think i'd call her a friend. i mean, if i needed something, i'm sure i could count on her, and i'd do things for her, but at this point, we're just going off in two separate directions in life. she kept saying that things didn't matter, but the way she lives her life, that doesn't match up. sometimes i feel like she's involved in these things as a way to fit into something, and to be part of something, rather than what she could be getting out of it.
now that i don't have the work thing, well, there's no one from there who contacts me anymore. there's a few people i'm still in touch with, via facebook, but that's not the same thing.
so that's just part of what's rattling around my head. i got distracted after that. i really should sleep.
I still have a million things to do, but that's not what's keeping me awake.
I'm having one of those nights where 1- I don't want to sleep and 2- I don't know that I feel like I am who I am supposed to be.
i don't know who i'm supposed to be. i'm 31, living alone, never dated anyone, ever, and i don't have a clue in the world as to what i'm supposed to do with my life... or for that matter, WHAT i want to do.
stream of consciousness.
love hate misery compassion. why does it feel like there's not any compassion in the world. at least not for me. yes i know there are starving kids everywhere,
in need. but sometimes an emotional need is just as important as a physical one.
sometimes i feel like there isn't anyone to feed my emotional needs. i have very few people in my life that i see in person on a regular basis, and now i can't even stop crying.
this is supposed to be a stream of consciousness and sometimes that's harder to do typing that it is writing things out. it's also really hard to do when i can't stop crying.
all i want is to be loved. to be shown some affection. I know God loves me.. my parents.. my family.. and i'm sure some friends do, but the friends don't live here. i've lived here in this area for three years and I don't have friends that i see on a regular basis.. i don't even have friends that i really have that i see on a semi regular basis.
there was the roommate, but i don't think i'd call her a friend. i mean, if i needed something, i'm sure i could count on her, and i'd do things for her, but at this point, we're just going off in two separate directions in life. she kept saying that things didn't matter, but the way she lives her life, that doesn't match up. sometimes i feel like she's involved in these things as a way to fit into something, and to be part of something, rather than what she could be getting out of it.
now that i don't have the work thing, well, there's no one from there who contacts me anymore. there's a few people i'm still in touch with, via facebook, but that's not the same thing.
so that's just part of what's rattling around my head. i got distracted after that. i really should sleep.
Labels: can't sleep, stream of consciousness
posted by Queenie at
3:20 AM
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