But what about ME?
I'm pretty sure no one understand me at all.
I don't have any real friends up here, and i have very few real friends any place.
my relationship with EM has always been one that I've felt less worthy of the relationship, and that it could turn at any minute. And for a while it did.. and because of that, I missed out on being a part of the most important time in her life, her wedding. Because we can both be stubborn and pigheaded, we didn't talk for almost 6 months, and because of that, she picked someone else to be in her wedding. She only had 2 attendants, and one was her sister in law... she had one friend in it. And then she had a friend from high school reading scripture.. she probably would have done that regardless of our situation. Because of our temporary falling out, her wedding could have been a disaster, and I didn't get to play the major role that I should have.
Now she's had a baby. A beautiful little boy. He's just a month old today, and she's scheduled his Christening for Oct 21. The other choice for a date is Dec 5th. Of her own doing, she's chosen the Oct date, knowing that Dec is too close to Christmas, and he'll be bigger then, and it's all her choice. It just happens that it's a better date for me, because i currently have two jobs in retail. One of them has the potential to put me in a management track, and this is something I really want to do. I can't take any time off after Thanksgiving, it's just not possible. I won't get to travel for Christmas, I won't get to spend Christmas with my family.. I won't get to spend Thanksgiving with my family. It's just not going to be able to happen, and I know that. I don't like it, but I know it.
Because of where I live, I cannot drive down for the Christening, it'd just take too long and cost as much in gas alone as it would to fly. It would also mean driving down in one day, having the christening and driving back the next... not really good, considering the drive can be almost 12 hours. one way. But to fly, it looks like it's going to cost over 200 dollars. The cheapest I can find is right at 200... and that means staying over until Tuesday, taking another day off of work. I don't have to rent a car or get a hotel.. there's not much else involved.
But I want to go, and the main reason is because I want be a part of her son's life. She really would like for me to be his official Godmother, but because I'm not Catholic, that's not a possiblity... that job will go to her sister in law... but, the "rules" allow for one God-parent, and one Christian Witness, and she wants to find out if both of those can be women. If that's the case, there's some forms or something to fill out (I have no idea.. it's the Catholic Church) and stuff to be taken care of, and it might take some time, due to the fact that I'd have to have things filled out by a preacher and stuff, and since I've moved up here, I haven't officially joined any church yet, so who knows how long this stuff can take. But the point is, it is SUCH an honor for me, and I don't want to let it pass me by. The last time was because of my own pig-headedness and stupidity that i missed out, but this time, this time I have more say, and I really want to do this. This keeps me in her life, it makes me a part of his life.... and not only that, I think it's something I actually would take seriously.. I want to be able to teach this beautiful baby boy about a faith in Christ. His daddy is half Catholic and half Jewish, and his mom... well, she was kinda raised Baptist, but her mom has turned her back on God after her sister died, and her dad has little to no faith at all. I really feel called to be that person in his life who is a Christian Witness.
I know it's something that I can do, regardless of whether or not I am physically there for it, but being there, being a part of it is really important to me. Besides, if I don't go now, I won't be able to go until January or later, and by then beautiful baby boy will be almost 6 months old!
Somehow my parents are making me feel like this is all wrong, but I know, deep down it's got to be right, and I should be able to go. I don't want to go against them, but I don't know what else to do.
I don't have any real friends up here, and i have very few real friends any place.
my relationship with EM has always been one that I've felt less worthy of the relationship, and that it could turn at any minute. And for a while it did.. and because of that, I missed out on being a part of the most important time in her life, her wedding. Because we can both be stubborn and pigheaded, we didn't talk for almost 6 months, and because of that, she picked someone else to be in her wedding. She only had 2 attendants, and one was her sister in law... she had one friend in it. And then she had a friend from high school reading scripture.. she probably would have done that regardless of our situation. Because of our temporary falling out, her wedding could have been a disaster, and I didn't get to play the major role that I should have.
Now she's had a baby. A beautiful little boy. He's just a month old today, and she's scheduled his Christening for Oct 21. The other choice for a date is Dec 5th. Of her own doing, she's chosen the Oct date, knowing that Dec is too close to Christmas, and he'll be bigger then, and it's all her choice. It just happens that it's a better date for me, because i currently have two jobs in retail. One of them has the potential to put me in a management track, and this is something I really want to do. I can't take any time off after Thanksgiving, it's just not possible. I won't get to travel for Christmas, I won't get to spend Christmas with my family.. I won't get to spend Thanksgiving with my family. It's just not going to be able to happen, and I know that. I don't like it, but I know it.
Because of where I live, I cannot drive down for the Christening, it'd just take too long and cost as much in gas alone as it would to fly. It would also mean driving down in one day, having the christening and driving back the next... not really good, considering the drive can be almost 12 hours. one way. But to fly, it looks like it's going to cost over 200 dollars. The cheapest I can find is right at 200... and that means staying over until Tuesday, taking another day off of work. I don't have to rent a car or get a hotel.. there's not much else involved.
But I want to go, and the main reason is because I want be a part of her son's life. She really would like for me to be his official Godmother, but because I'm not Catholic, that's not a possiblity... that job will go to her sister in law... but, the "rules" allow for one God-parent, and one Christian Witness, and she wants to find out if both of those can be women. If that's the case, there's some forms or something to fill out (I have no idea.. it's the Catholic Church) and stuff to be taken care of, and it might take some time, due to the fact that I'd have to have things filled out by a preacher and stuff, and since I've moved up here, I haven't officially joined any church yet, so who knows how long this stuff can take. But the point is, it is SUCH an honor for me, and I don't want to let it pass me by. The last time was because of my own pig-headedness and stupidity that i missed out, but this time, this time I have more say, and I really want to do this. This keeps me in her life, it makes me a part of his life.... and not only that, I think it's something I actually would take seriously.. I want to be able to teach this beautiful baby boy about a faith in Christ. His daddy is half Catholic and half Jewish, and his mom... well, she was kinda raised Baptist, but her mom has turned her back on God after her sister died, and her dad has little to no faith at all. I really feel called to be that person in his life who is a Christian Witness.
I know it's something that I can do, regardless of whether or not I am physically there for it, but being there, being a part of it is really important to me. Besides, if I don't go now, I won't be able to go until January or later, and by then beautiful baby boy will be almost 6 months old!
Somehow my parents are making me feel like this is all wrong, but I know, deep down it's got to be right, and I should be able to go. I don't want to go against them, but I don't know what else to do.
Labels: babies, Christening, Christianity, friendship, my life, parents
posted by Queenie at
4:01 PM
0 Comments
