We're All Having a Moment.

I have one last chance to see him tomorrow night in Williamsport,
though my seats are terrible so he will not be able to see me, but at least I
know I finally had my moment with Clay.

WHAT? Who ever said you "get" to have a moment with Clay. Where is this written that we're guaranteed this "moment"? The Declaration of Independance does not say "we have these certain unalienable rights, life, liberty and a Moment With Clay Aiken" No. It does not.

This woman goes on my list just below Ethel. And that may seem harsh, but part of the reason is because of the fact that her "moment" came because she was obnoxious and harassing Clay, and then, to top it all of, she dropped a 4-letter word during his family friendly show. Not a big bomb... just perhaps a hand grenade of a word, but still. It was in the microphone, it was for the world to hear. To make matters worse, she's rubbing her hands on his legs and over his back. For a guy with a serious nut allergy this is a problem. Had he rubbed his hands over his leg in the same place she did, and she had nut oils on her hands, he could be in trouble, no lie.

Claymates™ like her piss me off.

This one happened the exact same night.

I wanted to be relaxed, sane, calm, collected. I did not want to worry or scare Clay. I did not want to make him nervous. I did not want to weird him out. I had thought of this day. You know we all have. I have thought, what would I want to say to him if I ever got to meet him? I had it all planned out. Well you know what they say about the best laid plans... lets just say all those things came out but not the way I planned. What I wanted was to connect with Clay the person, not the popstar. I wanted to show him care and respect. I wanted him to be at ease as possible with me. Now I know Clay has got to be on guard, he doesn't know me, doesn't know that what he tells me that I won't take it and tell it everywhere or worse yet distort it and tell that everywhere so he has to be on guard. Anyway I at least said Hi Clay. At least. The next thing that came out of my mouth was "Clay I can't touch you". He gave me a puzzled look I think, it could have been fear too, or confusion. Then, I quickly told him about the chocolate candy with nuts I had eaten earlier. I could not think of what to do, my brain was not logical at this point. Also my thoughts and attention were directed to Clay I did not see the sink that was next to me...Dear Clay thanked me for telling him that, and asked me if I would like to wash my hands. I think I said yes. Then he went over to the sink, turned the water on, showed me the soap and pulled the paper towel out a little bit. He has such a servant heart. So gentle, so patient, so polite. As I was washing my hands I decided to start talking.

This woman, she was lucky enough to answer a trivia question, and get on Clay's bus. The first words out of her mouth showed that she only had his best interests at heart, and not her selfish ones. This is the dicotomy that is the Clay Aiken fandom. It might have been a bit extreme on her part, who knows. But at least she was thinking of someone other than herself.

She says that Clay has a servant's heart, and that's true, and what's better, he brings that out in other people. Many of us have become better people for the things he's inspired us to do. Unfortunately, not everyone has had such a change. Not everyone thinks of others before themselves.

Sure, I could be very easily putting woman #1 into a box, heck, I could be doing the same with #2. But someone very wise said that you "never have a second chance to make a first impression" Seems like that's the truth here, doesn't it?

I know I'm not without my faults. I know I can be an insanely selfish person, but that doesn't mean I'm not a work in progress. That doesn't mean that i don't know what I *should* be doing.

People baffle the heck outta me.

Well. I have a not very interesting job, and I work with not very interesting people. If given the choice, this would not be the job I would have, but seeing as how much people don't love their jobs, I'm sticking with it for now.

I need a "career" but that's another blog for another day.

I work with some girls who are quite cool, and I don't mind hanging out with them outside of work. But unfortunately, I'm one of the new people to the place, and they've already got their group of friends. The bad part, I don't like one of them as a person. I don't want to hang out with her. I've already turned down one night of videos and random fun because she was going to be there.

We worked together tonight, and at one point we were talking about stuff, about the new new girls and their lack of work ethic and whatever, and she said to me "We should hang out some time" and I immediately blurted out "NO!" -- which surprised me. I recovered quickly by saying something like, "i'm really not that interesting of a person, I just hang out by myself, it's fine" I don't know if she caught on or what.

My problem is I just don't like her enough as a person to want to spend my free time around her. She can be quite obnoxious. Very sarcastic (but not in a witty way) and just mean, sometimes. Very snobby as well. Usually these are things I can tolerate in people. Heck. They're usually things in me. But something about her I just cannot stand.

I don't know what I'm going to do. Maybe she's different outside of work. Maybe I just need to get to know her. I don't know. I think part of it is that I can't feel like I can be myself around her, be it the Clay thing, or being a Christian, neither of which I'm terribly outspoken about. But, i just don't like her. Another girl at work said to me yesterday, "Clay was on the radio this morning, I immediately thought of you when I heard him" and I laughed and told her, "yeah, I know, thanks! i heard the whole interview a few weeks back, it was much better not chopped to pieces" And she was fine with that, no snide remarks. I could have even handled a bit of good natured teasing, but she's just not like that. This other girl, the one I don't like, she called me a "fairy lover" and then didn't understand why 1- I found that offensive and 2- I didn't like people being called gay, especially if they've said, time and again, that their not, and now refuse to even discuss the topic. She called me "overly sensitive" and said that some of her closest friends are gay, and she teases them all the time.

I think she must just be ignorant, and I don't tolerate that very much.

hopefully I've gotten this off my chest enough that I can sleep now.

What Does Money Mean to You?

I recently moved from Florida to someplace in The South. It's a bit of a change, and I don't just mean the weather.

In Florida, I lived in South Florida for most of my life and attented a college prep school from 2nd grade through graduation. While I received a good education, I was also schooled a bit in life. It was unlike the education of life I would have received in a public school, as it tended towards the weathy, upper class side of life. I wasn't wealthy, I didn't fit into the Bass shoes that everyone else wore. Instead, I was a working class kid, wearing my penny loafers from Sears or JCPenny's (probably in the men's department, because I was insanely tall with big feet as well.) My dad worked in public safety, and my mom, much to my chagrin, worked at my school. Because of her, my tuition was half, and we could afford to send me there.

When I was in the 7th grade, I got into a fight with one of my good friends because she never could make a decision on her own The final straw that started it all was when she was trying to decide on what purse she wanted. I doubt it was Christmas or her birthday, she just wanted a new purse. She couldn't decide, poor girl, between a Liz Claiborne or a Dooney& Bourke. All the time we heard "Should I get a Liz, or a Dooney? a Liz.... or a Dooney?" I didn't realize at the time what kind of money we were talking about. One of my friends already had a DB purse, so it didn't seem far out of reach, but at the same time, I knew that I could barely afford an ESPRIT purse, and those were far cheaper than her choices. I don't remember what her decision ultimately was, probably a DB, but it helps to make this point. The same year I remember one of the most wealthy girls in our class (she had the first boy/girl party in our grade, at a NIGHT CLUB!) carrying a Louis Vuitton purse. (it was real, no doubt. This was 1990, the fakes hadn't become as abundant as today) I knew that her purse had to be more than the other two choices, but I had no idea that it was in the 500-800 dollar range! for a purse! for a 7th grader!!!!!

So I grew up around money. It wasn't something that was flaunted so much as just accepted, and the norm. When I got to college, I realized that things in the "real world" weren't quite as they seemed from my school days. I took a friend home with me for the weekend once, and she spent the entire time she was there commenting on how many BMWs, Porches and Mercedes there were on the roads. She wasn't poor, but where she grew up, people just didn't drive cars like that. As for me, I never noticed it until she pointed it out, because it was just the norm for me.

Not everyone was wealthy around me, that's for sure, but it wasn't until I moved here that I became suddenly aware of the difference between "old money" and "new money". Traditionally, "old money" is money that's inherited, passed down, through the generations. People are raised rich with "old money". "New money", well it's just as it sounds, people are new to it, they've won the lottery, or gotten rich quickly in some way. I never understood the difference in the way it affected people until I moved.

The people I knew growing up. Many of them were the traditional "old money" types. They inherited it, and at the same time, continued in a career that kept them in that lifestyle, doctor, lawyer, business type, etc. Some of them were newer to it, a first generation wealth, but it was also earned the hard way. There was no taking for granted what they had. They were rich, they knew it, but they didn't look down on the "little man"

But I've moved. This place is much different. The first difference is that the cost of living is way less than in S Fla. THat means you don't have to have nearly as much money to have a big house. I mean, my parents could sell their tiny 3 bedroom, 2 bath house in S Florida, and move up here and get a 5 bedroom, 3 1/2 bath, formal living room, formal dining room, den, basement and sunroom for the EXACT SAME AMOUNT. Pay cash, owe nothing. It would give the illusion that they had more money than they really did. And that's what people do here. They buy huge houses, and big cars, which give the illusion of money, but when in reality, they have none. Well, not none so much, but not as much as they would make it seem.

I met a couple the other day who just moved here from Florida who commented on the same exact thing. They don't have well paying jobs here, but their house was paid off in Florida, and when they moved, they were able to get more for their money. Now the people around them are looking down their noses at this couple b/c the exterior says "we're better than they are", when the reality is actually the opposite. The couple here is in far better shape than the family with the dad working and mom going to the spa while the nanny watches the kids. The family has a mortgage to pay on this huge house and is months away from bankrupcy, while the couple has the house paid off in full and can put money away, hence making them more wealthy in the end.

There are many people here who are new to the money they have, and because they can afford to live in a large house, they believe themselves to be wealthy, when in reality, that's not the case. There's a different attitude from them as well. It's almost comical and stereotypical, the snooty, wealthy woman, looking down on the working class. I work in retail, in a women's clothing store, and I can spot the different types right away. There are the "old money" types here and the new "new money". In fact, the same day i met the couple from Florida, I met a woman who was DEFINITELY "new money". She was buying over 300 dollars worth of clothes, and then applied for a credit card because we were giving 30% off. When she was approved, it was only for $500. She scoffed. She actually said, "I have a credit card with a $50,000 limit! Why are they only giving me $500??!?!? I don't want your card if that's all my limit is!" We had to explain to her that everyone starts off small, and the more you use it and pay it off, the more they'll increase your limit. So she agreed to put her clothes on the card and pay off $100 of it then. What we didn't tell her is that the highest we've seen is $700, so obviously her credit ain't so good. That's the other thing, the other clue. She can have a credit card with the highest limit, but if you don't pay it off, it don't mean squat.

We've got the "old money" in there as well. These are the women who don't bother to open a store credit card because they've got their American Express or some other type card that gives them sky miles that they put EVERYTHING on. Plus, they can afford to pay it off at the end of each month as well. So, in addition to spending money, having the money to pay off the credit, they're getting great vacations at the same time. It doesn't take much to make the money, but to keep it, and make it grow... you gotta be smart.

There's a girl I work with. She wants to be rich and snobby. But really, she's a poser too. She has all these "Prada" bags, but I'm sure they're fake. She says her daddy gives her $500 every time he sees her, but that's only a few times a year. She says he brings her the purses from Asia, which I'm sure he does, but that's where most of the fakes are made. The old money doesn't need the name brand labels on the outside to prove to the world. What she doesn't know is that I, too, could have those purses, if I wanted them, but I don't, they're ugly. And my daddy gives me at least $600 every single month. She still lives at home, why can't she afford to buy these things on her own? If I still lived at home, I know I would! But I don't need 'em. And I like my independance, 827 miles away from mommy!

Who's really "richer?" Can you tell?


it's all a matter of perception, kiddies.

see. This is what I mean

After not being able to get to sleep for hours last night, when I finally posted my blog and got those thoughts out, I slept like a baby.

But today, after leaving a comment on Clay's myspace that I wanted some Christmas music, I had a friend request from "The Clay Nation" - someone with 43 friends, but all the Clay Christmas music I could want. More importantly, I didn't know them. and I certainly didn't want to be friends with them. I'm not the type to want 800 trillion friends on MySpace, just to say I have them. I also don't just want the music there. I want Clay's music, from Clay's page, so that, if necessary, people can go to HIS site, the official site, to get more information.

Eh. whatever. People will never understand me. Of course, it'd be helpful if i understood myself sometimes.

we'll see!

so, I think this is my 4th attempt at blogging.... no, probably more. I've done Open Diary, Live Journal, Xanga and MySpace, as well as several "private" blogs within communities...

so. what's that about?

well, I've got many facets, for lack of a better term.. and a whole lot of opinions, and Lord knows I don't want everyone knowing EVERYTHING i think. but I do like to give my opinion, and sometimes it's good to just get it out there.

so here we go... jumping in on a first post and everything.

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Clay Aiken. Object my desire. pretty singer boy. humanitarian. essentially the template for my future husband.

He's started doing Christmas symphony concerts this week. Tonight was the second show, last night the first. He's got a few songs with trademark "glory notes" in them. Last night, apparently he didn't hit them, tonight he did. now, I didn't watch/listen to last night's. I did watch tonight. The encore song... it's a doozy.. that's for sure.

and I worry about him.

I worry because, it seems like he was really struggling on the song. You can hear his voice catch several times. he's over ennunciating. It looks like maybe even he's had some training (Finally) Something about what I saw tonight, and what i heard, had the singer in me concerned.

now. I ain't the best singer in the world, by any stretch of the imagination, but I've had several years of training and enough knowledge to make me dangerous to myself and others. I know what good singing should *look* like. And that sounds insane if you've never studied voice. But it's true. There are ways to position your mouth and tongue and head to get the best possible sound.

I never worried about his voice until now.

Hopefully it's just a product of the fact that he's not been out on the road for almost a year, not doing steady singing, and just hasn't really warmed up yet. I hope. I really wish he would get some training.. someone to help him use his voice to his full potential, and keep it for a long, long time.

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see.. a useless blog, but something I needed to get off my chest. Not worthy enough for MySpace, no one there needs to know the full extent of my obsession. I hate Xanga, no one's on live journal anymore, and the Clay Aiken Official Fan Club blog I've got... well.... If any of those lemmings got a hold of what I had to say, they'd take it wrong in a thousand different ways.

Some would say I'm not a fan, some would hold me up as a vocal goddess and ask my opinion of every performance. neither one is true of me, and I don't want the noteriety over there. I've learned the hard way, and over time, that being "popular" in a fandom isn't all it's cracked up to be. ANd frankly, only the cracked up ones want it.

Speaking of cracked up.

What's up with Ethel?

Is there something wrong with her? or does she just have bad hair? Just wondering.

I really wish Clay would stop pointing her out in shows and I wish she'd just shut the hell up! If she ever shows up at one of my shows, that I pay good money for, and starts yakkin' away... I might just beat her senseless.... I didn't pay good money to hear her and clay yammer on back and forth. My luck, she'd be right behind me yellin' at him the entire time. I'd be forced to rip my arm off just to have something to beat her with.

that wouldn't be pretty.